Notice any changes

I tell you I do notice changes in me and all around me....they are coming faster and one day to the next is all the same.....really all the same.....

Now I do expect this will change but for now on my path it has to be this way...I trust the way things are going in my life....I know there are higher things going on than my own plans....

It is wonderful to be able to let go of controling my life.....now life flows for me and I see miracles all the time.....I trust more now....I love more now....I grow more now...

you know when things happen in life...how we can get upset and cry and rant....well I just do not do that anymore.....I know when anything happens anything good or bad there is always a reason for it...it is not for me to do more than accept..whatever it is...

Another thing feelings are changing in me I can get a feeling of jealousy and now what I do is embrace it to me...I ask of myself why I feel this feeling..I really get into it and feel it....then I let it go and you know what it leaves.....great....I love this change in my life...

I am learning how to manifest what I want or do not want into my life.....it works....somethings happen quick...like today I found a free box of pears ...just the other day I asked the universe for free pears....that was a quick one...not all is so fast..

I am waiting on my soulmate now...so far its been 4 years...but really it has been all my life I just never was ready for him...now I am ready of I think I am...when I really am ready we WILL meet...I have something to look forward to...I am in eager anticipation...

I can not think of the future ....not very far anyway as I am going with the flow...but when things happen if it has a negitive effect on me then I know it is not for me to follow...so my life is going now where it is supposet to go...I am jussst waiting to see the unfolding like a movie...all our lives are movies really..

So it goes...I am content now...happy as I ever have been.....I have wonderful friends I am so greatful for all I have...to be continued

CHOICES

I am really starting to see changes around me now ....people are loosing their homes friends of mine.....some are getting sick.....some are acting as if life owes them so much......not seeing much good in peoples lives right now more conflicts than anything.....

However for me I see much growth in my life , many blessings...one day at a time...I find it important for me to stay on course and stick with my vision and not get involved in others lives...as I see it each has their own path to follow.....

Not saying I do not care about others of course I do...it is just that I have to let people make their own choices, very hard when I can see what is going on....

There are so many choices in this life for me the spiritual path is my own goal........I do not feel part of this world never have..... and now I feel even more a stranger and I am finding out so many hidden hidden truths but I  have no one to tell because all I know do not want to hear.

Ah well it is choices.....

Being real

Boy where is the day to take pen in hand and write......I miss those days.......I used to love to write letters...now it is email......and email is not personal......not like a real handwritten letter....

These days things are not very personal at all I find...things even a friendship is moving fast.....no time to develop the visit got to get to the nap, or store, or yardwork etc.....boy I really miss a good in depth conversation with someone.....

Things are so shallow all around now......no realness......

I guess people are afraid to be real....even with themselves....

I like writing a blog where I can be real.....here I say what is on my mind at the moment and it is real...

I know few if any will even read my blogs but that is not why I can be real....I am real beacause I am tired of being phoney....Everyday People I see I talk to see me alright but not really THEE me, nor do they hear me...you see I am invisable.....oh I am alright.

They see what they THINK and hear is me but I am but a shell and voice....the real me is inside this shell invisable .....

I am so desiring to find people i can apper to in real truth...for now i know i must stay invisable as they are not ready to deal with my realness I would scare them......

Gee, I want to get out of this shell so much......

Here in my room alone I can do that, but you know I want to be visiable to others to be real and share and help people..

I know tho when it is the right time I will appear to others as I really am and oh I yearn for those days..I have hidden away almost 66 years....I am ready......to get real for real...

For now this is me as I am today but this is the shell you see here I am way more than this and I am on the search tofind  this person in hiding still invisable....

2012

Here we go another year.....how many times will this be said today and before today...?

I feel there will be good and bad....all depends on so many things......

See I believe we are each on our own path in this life and even on different dimension lines.....to those new to this it will sound strange......

Bear with me......we are all one....so it is important how we react to one another....our every thought has power and we bring to our lives all we think.......

So most important to guard our thoughts and walk more like our life depends on this which it does...

This is just me talking best to never follow anyone but what youyr heart tells you is for you.....I just want to share my heart right now it is for each one to find their beliefs i tell no one how to believe i only share myself and hope I can help someone....

Here I go..................

I feel the need to be real.................how about that?  MY  goodness, here i go...........

Perhaps i have been real all along, so hard to preceive how i am to others..............i know i have been insecure all my life.....i don't feel that way now.............i do feel lonely tho.......i think i would like a partner......but then i think i have been single 3 years and in this time i have found myself without a man.  S o really i guess being with a man, never helped me to know who I am, so why do i think i need a man?  Might have something to do with the fact couples are everywhere...............

I wonder why people can't just accept each other.  Why we have to judge each other, and be cruel? I know love changes people and it changes things. I WISH WE ALL COULD LOVE ONE ANOTHER AND NOT SEE DIFFERENCES..... ah that is a good wish.................I really long for a better world. a healed world where there is peace and harmony with us all................

In my life i am learning that everything i have learned in this life is a lie......all of it.....JESUS said to become like a small child, now i know why.....to see everything as a child would no judgements, or illutions, or beliefs. but to just be.................

I like to stay by myself these days, it feels better this way.  N ot that i want to be by myself but it just is easier to deal with this life..................A BETTER WORLD IS COMING.................

I don't know how to express myself................i have so many ideas and thoughts going thru me everyday......maybe it is time to quiet the mind to go to my heart center and see what is really happenning......the things around me are not real, what is real?

I would like to just let everyone know how much i really love them.  i say it, but do they know HOW MUCH this comes from my very heart and soul with such a force I  am not able to express it at all.............whenever i use the word love it is not just a word  ....................so i can even love a stranger, i have learned how to do this.......and it is because we are all one, coming from the same place and Creator................

I even love those who have hurt me.......i forgive them as well.....................from these dear souls i have learned to be a better person................i in fact care about them very much and always will............

i never hit the surface of what i want to say, it is still in my heart, but i will be back and see what else comes forth, these moments are not planned they just surface............if they were planned it would not be real....

more changes are coming and it is time to go within and find our SOURCE of hope, love, victory and overcomings, to help others more than ourselves, to myself i say this first and for most....as really this was written for me to get my heart right..................

let us believe in ourselves.............and who we are, not going by what others tell us who or what we are but who our Creator has told us we are, and then live it, yes hephzibah go girl......and all of you tooo..

who am i?

i wake up everyday, and wonder where am I?  i seem too be in a world of make believe................all around me i see what is protrayed to the world as real.  yet i know in my heart it is not.

i wonder who am i in this world of make believe?  i am not the cities, i am not, the movies, or entertainment, i am not so many things in this world...............

see, i don.t believe i am of this world i am merely IN it, until my time to go.  so for me and who i am, i feel so alone....lost in a land of make believe...............

i don't even want to fit in, it is not for me to fit in.  you see i am me..............whoever, or however that is it is me...........you know i used to feel i had to fit in......but the more i became aware of what the world is, i knew i could not go there.

at first this was scary for me to be this way, now it is good and the only way for me..........i don't feel better than the rest, goodness i know my weaknesses...............no i just strive to be a better person every day................i try to bring a smile to a stranger, to say some compliment.  i know most people enjoy hearing kind words, i know i do,,,so i try to lift people up.

i don't get out much tho, as i enjoy my seclusion.  yet when i do get i look for the ones who might need encouragement and a smile..............i don't judge anymore like i used to.  oh i used to be so good at that bad thing of judging, now i look for me to just stop it.............as i know what i judge is still in me.

ouch that hurts, i don't want to hurt myself............so i am learning to just stop judgeing..........i am not perfect here, but it is a life goal, to just love everybody as they are faults and all, wouldn't JESUS do that?

i am tired of holding in who i am...............i just have to be me................i am far from perfect as i said, it just feels good to let it out and be me................

the world is changeing fast now,,,,,,,,,i see i must draw closer to  my truth and my loving CREATOR to know and live in HIM to find my way to be more for HIM and to let go of fears,  fears have always held me back from being me,,,,,,,,,,but as i drawer closer to HIM and know the way to go i find peace and love..............

so today i say i love me and when i love me i love everyone else too..........i have found this is the way to finding peace.............

love is the answer to the question who am i, it has just taken a life time to figure that out...............i love all my friends and family  and just want to be better at loving...........

my peace to all.............just be who you are, and learn to really love yourself as you are.............it will make a huge difference..............